Fueling Females Forward

Soccer legend, Abby Wambach, recently addressed Barnard’s 2018 graduating class, and her words sent a powerful message to Barnard graduates and beyond. She called for change in both action and mindset: women, across all sectors of life, can be grateful and still demand more. And, we must demand more.

Sport provides a unique context in which female athletes can continue to challenge male dominated norms of power and dominance, and push forward in pursuit of equality. With the right mindset and action, we can use sporting contexts to drive our mission, to make a stand, unite, and demand more.

As female athletes, we must lead the charge by championing a mindset that inspires wins beyond sport, and spread this mindset to our teammates, sisters, mothers and friends. We are positioned for greatness if we continue to challenge unfair calls outside the lines, apply necessary pressure, and use our vision to run ‘out-of-(traditional)-boundaries.’

Wambach inspires four rules that we too can use to unite our teams, our mothers, our sisters and friends in pursuit of what we have long deserved: equality.

It takes practice, perseverance, and mindset to achieve change, and it can start with us athletes…

Rule one: “Make failure your fuel”

"Here’s something the best athletes understand, but seems like a hard concept for non-athletes to grasp. Non-athletes don’t know what to do with the gift of failure. So they hide it, pretend it never happened, reject it outright—and they end up wasting it. Failure is not something to be ashamed of; it's something to be POWERED by. Failure is the highest-octane fuel your life can run on. You gotta learn to make failure your fuel.”     - Abby Wambach

Re-framing failure as energy and motivation is a choice. Abby encourages us to train this mindset: “Failure = fuel and fuel=power.”

• When was the last time you fell short of achieving your goal, or meeting your expectations?
• How did failing make you feel? What did you think about? How did you act in the aftermath of a personal failure?
• Challenge yourself to tune into your failure. Awareness of how you respond is the first step in proactively adapting. Remember: failure is fuel, and fuel is power.

 Use your fuel and help others do the same.

Rule Two: “Lead from the bench”

“Imagine this: You’ve scored more goals than any human being on the planet—female or male. You’ve co-captained and led Team USA in almost every category for the past decade. And you and your coach sit down and decide together that you won’t be a starter in your last World Cup for Team USA. So… that sucked. You’ll feel benched sometimes, too. You’ll be passed over for the promotion, taken off the project—you might even find yourself holding a baby instead of a briefcase—watching your colleagues “get ahead.” Here’s what’s important. You are allowed to be disappointed when it feels like life’s benched you. What you aren’t allowed to do is miss your opportunity to lead from the bench.” - Abby Wambach

Every athlete will at some point face the bench. In this moment, there lies a great choice: lean in or get out. As athletes, many of us are trained to accept the fluidity of our roles, and the lack of guarantee at every turn. We strive to embrace leadership and stardom, even when we aren’t the one leading or being recognized. But how well are we actually doing?

• Reflect on a time when you were ‘benched.’ What did you feel at that moment? How about after?
• How did you treat others in response to being 'benched'?
• Was you impact beneficial. Did it motivate toward a greater good?

Let’s not kid ourselves. Being benched stirs up feelings of vulnerability, guilt, anger, and incompetence. And, we all dread those feelings. In the moment, it's easy to succumb to these feelings and pity ourselves. Yet, in that scenario, we are forgetting how our action makes others feel. While we can be upset at ourselves, or at the person who ‘benched us,’ we must not let our negative emotion impact those around us who aren’t to blame. We must not surrender an opportunity to improve the whole by wailing in disappointment and anger.

A true leader never takes a time out. 

Rule Three: “Champion each other”

 “Women must champion each other. This can be difficult for us. Women have been pitted against each other since the beginning of time for that one seat at the table. Scarcity has been planted inside of us and among us. This scarcity is not our fault. But it is our problem. And it is within our power to create abundance for women where scarcity used to live.” - Abby Wambach

As female athletes, we have been uniquely positioned to appreciate working alongside other females. Many of us recognize the value that comes from female synergy: a shared emotional intelligence, and contagious grit. Yet, how often do we exemplify this appreciation?

• When was the last time you congratulated or praised a colleague for a job well done? What did you say, or do?
• Has jealousy ever prevented you from showing appreciation or good will towards someone you admire internally?

It is all too easy to get so caught up in personal wins that we forget the bigger picture: the team picture. We women are a team, therefore, we must recognize and applaud fellow women when they achieve. Equality is not a ‘you or I’ issue. It’s a ‘we’ issue. 

Strength lies in numbers. 

Rule Four: “Demand the ball”

“GIVE ME THE EFFING BALL. GIVE ME THE EFFING JOB. GIVE ME THE SAME PAY THAT THE GUY NEXT TO ME GETS. GIVE ME THE PROMOTION. GIVE ME THE MICROPHONE. GIVE ME THE OVAL OFFICE. GIVE ME THE RESPECT I’VE EARNED AND GIVE IT TO MY WOLF PACK TOO.” -Abby Wambach

It’s our time to actively join the conversation. As athletes, regardless of level or playtime, we are active and purposeful about securing an opportunity to perform. If we can do it on the field, we are capable of doing even more beyond the pitch.

• What do you want to achieve? 
• What's your legacy? 
• Recognize that ‘holding back’ individually, is holding us back collectively...  

It’s time to say ‘wooo MAN,’ that’s mine!

These rules set a tone. They set the bar high, but us females, we leap! We must keep these rules close and reflect on them in times of challenge. Take comfort in the reality that you are not alone. We are a team 162 million strong. Together, we must demand more.